Do you like Chinese food? Of course you do; no one in their right mind can’t resist the sights and smells of Chinese cuisine… well maybe vegans… vegans and assholes. Picture this: sitting down in your favourite Chinese spot ready to smash on some awesome chow mein or braised pork belly and mustard greens, and you serve yourself, stick your chopsticks upright in your bowl of soy sauce ladened white rice and the place screeches to a halt. Like any other culture, there are certain customs and etiquettes that one must – at least should – recognize before you bring shame to your house for three generations and face is lost. Here is your definitive guide to DOs and DON’Ts in a Chinese restaurant.
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Chinese
Have you ever been for Chinese hot pot (fondue)? I have fond memories of this Sunday night ritual around our house. Our family crowded around our kitchen table over a boiling pot of simmering aromatic brother sitting on a butane burner. Cooking platefuls of quick cooking ingredients like thinly sliced beef and lamb, to noodles and strainers upon strainers and fresh greens was our family meal that ended the weekend. By fun I don’t actually mean the family fun time cooking over a communal pot; I’m talking about my dad yelling at my oldest sister for bailing to go out and see her boyfriend my parents didn’t like, the other two talking on the phone and being a picky eater and then me busting out a random nosebleed out of no where. Whether or not you share this kind of memory or have never had hot pot before, here’s a spot where you can.
Picture it… you’re sitting at your favourite Chinese restaurant and your order arrives at your table. An order that’s wafting with steam that tantalizes senses of tables that line the walkway from the moment the waiter kicks open the dual swinging doors from the kitchen where if you looked at the right moments, you can catch a quick glimpse of fiery woks masterfully manipulated by deft hands, and random men in white short sleeve shirts and paper hats counting lotto tickets and calculating sports odds. Placed in front of you are the collection of the most colourful menu items listed; various deep fried meats in fluorescent coloured Kool-aid reduction sauces; General Tao chicken, lemon chicken, sweet and sour pork and honey spareribs. You look over to the next table and see some guy ordering without even looking at the menu and in 15 mins is presented with an array of dishes that you don’t recall seeing on the menu. Could it be? The mysterious “Chinese” menu? The menu by which all Chinese people order from that most non-asians will never see? YES…! And I was that dude.